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Our TV gives horoscopes

Our TV, a cheery pre-digital TEA CT-M6812, gives horoscopes on demand. This isn’t an interpretation or a gag. It really does this.

Y’see, the other day one of the lights was flashing for no apparent reason, so I dug out the manual and looked over it to see if I could find out why. No luck for the light, but I did discover this whole section of the manual: SUPER FUNCTIONS.

Our TV has a CALENDAR (“lookup days and years very conveniently”) and a NOTEBOOK (“store information such as phone numbers”) and even a GAME FUNCTION (“this TV has a built in game for your enjoyment during leisure time”). Best of all though is the BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.

This function can make you know about the low tide, high tide and critical stage of your intellect, emotion and force at a certain day so as to live harmony with the rhythms of environment.

So I tried it of course. You put in your birthday, and then your target day (e.g. today), and it shows bar graphs for Intellect, Emotion and Force. If it’s a good day, these are riding high! If it’s a bad day, they’re down low. Sometimes one is much higher or lower than the others. You can page through the days, and watch the ups and downs of the week ahead.

I just wanted to share that. How unusual, a TV that tells you how to live your life!*

* LOOK I MADE AN IRONY

{ 8 } Comments

  1. Jenni | September 21, 2010 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    I WANT THIS TV AND THIS FUNCTIONALITY!

  2. Pearce | September 21, 2010 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    Can I borrow your irony? My clothes are wrinkly.

  3. Svend | September 21, 2010 at 4:09 pm | Permalink

    What is the built-in game?

  4. Repton | September 21, 2010 at 4:26 pm | Permalink

    Remember teletext? It’s been almost entirely supplanted by laptops and the internet, but it used to supply listings, news, horoscopes, pen-pal matchups, and all other whatnot, through your TV..

  5. morgue | September 21, 2010 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    The game is sort of a boulder-dash style puzzle game. With 20 levels that appear to be identical each time (i.e. not randomly generated).

    It does remind me a bit of teletext, in that teletext was mostly naff, and so is this. But I love it!

  6. The Alligator | September 22, 2010 at 4:45 am | Permalink

    Irony?!? How dare you! The TV tells us the TRUTH.

  7. Pearce | September 22, 2010 at 9:13 am | Permalink

    I always thought that the main point of teletext was to provide captions for the hearing-impaired, so I’m pleased to hear that laptops and the internet have cured deafness.

  8. Karen | September 22, 2010 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    I wonder what my boss would say if i called to say “I won’t be coming in because my TV horoscope tells me that I am on an emotional, intellectual and forceful low today”?