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Clegg’s Choice as Fighting Fantasy

House of Hell cover

-392-
Finally! After so many battles you have reached the final chamber. Here, your quest will end. Wiping off the last of the Bloodbeast’s ichor from your tunic, you climb the stairs and open the door.

Inside there are two foul monsters. They are both grossly obese, and stand glaring at each other. Between them is a comfortable settee, and they clearly both wish to sit down in it, but they are too large to share.

“Ah!” cry the monsters in unison. “You are here, puny human. Now, you must choose. Which of us will you join on the settee?”

The first monster, stinking and covered with scuttling vermin, grins to show unbrushed teeth. “If you choose me, I’ll roll all over you until you’re good and filthy, and then I’ll gnaw on you a bit, and then I’ll crush you underneath me until you almost drown in my juices.”

“But I’ll also order that a new settee be made, and once it is ready, you’ll have your own place to sit ever after.”

The second monster, with lifeless shark’s eyes and rows of thin teeth, spread its arms. “If you choose me, I’ll shuffle over to give you as much room on the settee as possible. Not only that, I’ll let you use the remote control at least once a day.”

“Of course, next week I’ll bite your head off and swallow it whole.”

Your entire adventure comes down to this fateful choice! What will you do?

If you attack the stinking monster, turn to 275
If you attack the shark’s eyes monster, turn to 360

{ 10 } Comments

  1. Andrew | May 10, 2010 at 8:55 am | Permalink

    If you burn the settee turn to page 511.

  2. Steve | May 10, 2010 at 8:55 am | Permalink

    LIKE!

  3. 2trees | May 10, 2010 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    275.

  4. Idiot/Savant | May 10, 2010 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    -275-

    If you defeat the monster, turn to 123.

    -360-

    If you defeat the monster, turn to 123.

    -123-
    You leave the corpse behind you and take your place on the setee next to your chosen monster. As you do, the door bursts open, revealing a hideous many-headed beast with a thousand babbling mouths. The mouths cease their cacophony and scream “you have betrayed us”.

    The beast charges across the room and devours you. The last think you see is the monster spreading out across the setee, mouthing “fool” at you.

    Your adventure is over.

  5. Debbie | May 10, 2010 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

    I love this *so* much!

  6. Scott A | May 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    Scott likes this!

  7. Jenni | May 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm | Permalink

    I’m a choose the shark eyes monster. Page 360!

  8. 2trres | May 10, 2010 at 7:38 pm | Permalink

    no wait 360…..

    um no back 275……

    dam it 360…..

    I will read both pages.

  9. Karen | May 10, 2010 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

    Urrrgh!

    I totally spray them both with my submachine gun, then stand with my fist raised singing the Internationale while the workers take over parliament [oops, sorry, wrong kind of fantasy]

  10. Pearce | May 11, 2010 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    > ATTACK BOTH MONSTERS

    You can’t use multiple objects with that verb.

    Er, hang on, wrong sort of game.