How To Beat A Cold

When you are coming down with a cold, follow this prescription:
* begin treatment the day after you can hardly talk from the pain in your throat
* purchase some cold/flu capsules. take at the maximum dose allowable.
* go to meet friends in a restaurant. ignore your shaking limbs. do not join them for lunch.
* go to your roleplaying club. improvise a hugely important game for four demanding but enthusiastic players. drink a large latte.
* go to a pub to meet the earlier friends.
* FROM THIS POINT ON, begin drinking whiskey straight, alternating with pints of lager.
* go Curling. Get ass kicked but don’t fall over on the ice.
* go out to nightclub after curling. Keep drinking. Play, extensively, with a menagerie of fingerpuppets.
* catch the 3.45am bus home.
* eat some toast (4 slices, butter only)
* sleep
Come Sunday morning, er, afternoon, you will feel great.

2 thoughts on “How To Beat A Cold”

  1. What do you do about 20 minute coughing spasm in front of Year 12 English class (water bottles banned)?

  2. Whiskey, lots of.
    I believe it’s traditional to keep it in a small flask in your desk drawer?
    I can’t believe I need to tell you these things, did you learn nothing at St Bernards?

Comments are closed.