Jim’s funeral was on Saturday morning, spilling into the afternoon. It was a hot and sunny day, first day of Spring, and the church was packed. Many firefighters in attendance, and I think four appliances. There was a movie played to start the service, the Lone Ranger theme and then Sinatra’s My Way over photos tracing the whole course of Jim’s life. Three eulogies were given, all of them incredible – funny, sincere, heartfelt. stronger_light shared one of the eulogies with one of her sisters and was amazing. The lead celebrant was an old, old friend of Jim’s, and his close connection and gave the ceremony a deeply personal tone. To close, we drove in cortege to the cemetery, led by the fire service, who had stationed officers to close off traffic as our train of cars went past. As the hearse carrying Jim went by, the men on traffic duty stopped paying attention to the traffic and stood at attention. At the cemetery in the centre of Hastings Jim was lowered into the ground, and then the grave was filled. Everyone took up a shovel to help, brothers, son and sons-in-law and me, cousins, firemen, workmates, friends. When the last of the rocky soil was deposited on the pile, the assembled people left. We went for cups of tea and conversation at the church hall.
It was the conclusion to a week in which everything was pointing toward this moment. The family was carried along minute to minute and hour to hour and day to day by a constant stream of actions, small decisions, arrangements and requirements. All of those little things somehow added up to a process, more than the sum of its parts, which prepared everyone to say goodbye.
I think it was the same with the months prior, as the whole family, Jim included, went through the multitude of actions that went into diagnosis, medical treatment, care at home. Somehow these also added up into a process of farewell.
I don’t think I’m remotely doing this justice, but it’s a fresh experience for me and I wanted to write something of it while I still can’t think about it properly. One thing I know for sure: for me, these months and this weekend have been life-changing.
I’m back in Wellington now, but my head and heart are lingering up in Hastings. Much love to all my family up there.