As I’m gonna be a dad in December, I figure I need to get myself schooled up in being a parent. So I’m going to be contemplating my major life influences and distilling the key parenting tips that I’ll need to be a great dad.
#2. Invite child to help you at work.
MORGUE: (finishing breakfast) So… ready to come into work with the old man?
CHILD: I’ll never join you!
(beat)
MORGUE: …uh… you sure? It’s pretty cool…
(changin tack)
MORGUE: (CONT.) Uncle Jim will be there. You met him at the BBQ, remember? Remember you talked to him?
CHILD: He told me enough! It was you who killed him!
MORGUE: Er…
(beat)
MORGUE: (CONT.) No, he’s all right. Um. It’s pretty cool you know. We have one of those machines that makes coffee for you.
CHILD: No… no! That’s not true! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!
MORGUE: Well think it over. I mean, if you want to come –
CHILD: No! No! No!
MORGUE: – you should make up your mind pretty quick, ‘cos the train’s –
(floor opens up and child plummets into enormous techno-mineshaft)
(Morgue walks to edge peers down – is buffetted by wind – then turns away)
You should see “Son of Godzilla” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Son_of_Godzilla
It tells you everything you need to know about modern fatherhood.