Lessons of the Best Man

So I was Best Man on Friday for Frank. It was awesome. And now I get to share some wisdom about the Best Man speech. I bet you’re all excited.
(1) Writing jokes is hard as hell. I spent the entire 4-hour journey up trying to get one joke to work right. Going over and over and over the damn thing in my head. (Finally I told Cal all the alternatives I’d come up with and she pointed out the best one, which was also the one I liked most. It went down well.) Moral: give yourself plenty of time, so you can let your brain mull. Or be naturally funny. Whichever works for you.
(2) You can go on the internet and get your Best Man speech. There are lots of buy-a-speech sites. There are lots of free speeches to watch on YouTube or read on advice sites. This plethora of speeches does not translate into a plethora of gags you can steal, because they all use the same four lines, and they all suck. It’s still useful to look at these for structure, inspiration, and confidence that something genuine and personal always beats some crappy speech off the internet.
(3) Your Best Man speech is probably better with fewer jokes than you initially want.
(4) For best results on the night, aim to be precisely half as drunk as the average audience member.
All of the above wisdom is guaranteed 100% true and correct in all circumstances because I’m perfect.
It was a great wedding, and I loved being a Best Man. (But it stressed me out some.)

4 thoughts on “Lessons of the Best Man”

  1. Remember only this: brevity is the soul of wit. I’ve seen fifteen minute best man’s speeches where the BM rattles on about the groom’s childhood, teenage sexual conquests, unwise adolescent activities, etc. With – and I’m not making this up – handouts distributed by the bridesmaids featuring humourous photos of the groom throughout the ages. Any BM’s speech that comments on how the groom has been “tamed” or “saved” by the bridge should be fucking shot.
    A good BM’s speech is 3-4 minutes _at most_, includes one slightly smutty joke for form’s sake, thanks the bridesmaids (if it’s that sort of wedding), and ends with a serious toast to the bride and groom. Remember: people are there for the bride and groom, not for you, and they’ll only remember your speech if it’s a complete car wreck.
    Just my 2c.

  2. Best best man speech I ever saw was Tim C at Daryl & Beverley’s wedding, where he basically just stood up, turned to D, and said “You saved my life just by being my friend, all of us are better off for knowing you, and I’m really glad you’re marrying such an awesome woman. Now everyone drink.”

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