Pantheon of Plastic: #6 (tie)

This is the last PoP feature I’m going to run. As popular as this feature has been (??!), it’s time to wind it up and move on to other distractions. In fact, I was going to stop at the top 5 but I know that all those PoP-lovers out there (??!) have been waiting for one face to turn up. Or should that be, one “Face” to turn up! (Ga-zing!) That’s right, the tied-for-6th-position inductees into the Pantheon of Plastic are Dirk “Faceman” Benedict and his A-team-mate, Mr T!

Dirk Benedict

Starbuck, Battlestar Galactica
(TV, 1978; figure released 1978 by Mattel)

Dirk Benedict shot to fame as wisecrackin’ cigar-chompin’ X-Wing pilot James T. Starbuck, fighting the evil Stormtroopers while seeking a final refuge for the Rebel Alliance. For one glorious season he smirked his way through the galaxy, trading gags with the tin dog, and then returning for some TV movies. Benedict hasn’t been pleased by the revival of his classic show, but maybe that’s just sour grapes because a google image search on Starbuck doesn’t feature him nearly as much as it once did, and also includes a giant left-liberal coffee chain. At least he doesn’t have as much to complain about as his old co-star Richard Hatch, whose dogged determination over decades to revive the show was completely thwarted by some other people who came in and re-imagined it. More important source of Hatch disgruntlement: in the 1978 action figure series, they never made one of Captain Apollo. You could buy his best friend, his dad, his enemies and that random insect that was a baddie in one episode, but him, the co-lead? No! Poor Richard Hatch.

Templeton Peck, The A-Team
(TV, 1984; figure released 1984 by Galoob)

Benedict made a similarly lasting impression as the ultimate smooth operator, “Face”/”Faceman” in soldiers-for-hire the A-Team. The team specialised in rescuing kidnapped children, and escaping from fully-supplied mechanical workshops, but Face was basically there to woo the ladies (on-screen ladies, and those watching at home). As a kid I always wondered why he was called Face, because his Face didn’t seem to come off or morph into anything, and as superpowers went “having a face” wouldn’t even get you an interview for the Great Lakes Avengers. Now I understand: it’s because you want to slap his smug face every time he opens his mouth, right? Right?

Mr T.

Clubber Lang, Rocky III
(Movie, 1982; figure released 1982 by Phoenix Toys)

Mr T needs no introduction, for he is loved by all. “Pity the fool” comes from the Rocky III script.
Here is a post from 2007 with some great Mr T amazement.

B.A. Baracus, The A-Team
(TV, 1984; figure released 1984 by Galoob)

Mr T actually makes more sense as an action figure who is made into a person, than as a person who is made into an action figure. Which seems as good a place as any to stop this madness.

So that’s enough of that.

BONUS MEMORY: I will always remember Mr T. from Alex Winter’s bizarro comedy Freaked. As the bearded lady:

Clegg’s Choice as Fighting Fantasy

House of Hell cover

-392-
Finally! After so many battles you have reached the final chamber. Here, your quest will end. Wiping off the last of the Bloodbeast’s ichor from your tunic, you climb the stairs and open the door.

Inside there are two foul monsters. They are both grossly obese, and stand glaring at each other. Between them is a comfortable settee, and they clearly both wish to sit down in it, but they are too large to share.

“Ah!” cry the monsters in unison. “You are here, puny human. Now, you must choose. Which of us will you join on the settee?”

The first monster, stinking and covered with scuttling vermin, grins to show unbrushed teeth. “If you choose me, I’ll roll all over you until you’re good and filthy, and then I’ll gnaw on you a bit, and then I’ll crush you underneath me until you almost drown in my juices.”

“But I’ll also order that a new settee be made, and once it is ready, you’ll have your own place to sit ever after.”

The second monster, with lifeless shark’s eyes and rows of thin teeth, spread its arms. “If you choose me, I’ll shuffle over to give you as much room on the settee as possible. Not only that, I’ll let you use the remote control at least once a day.”

“Of course, next week I’ll bite your head off and swallow it whole.”

Your entire adventure comes down to this fateful choice! What will you do?

If you attack the stinking monster, turn to 275
If you attack the shark’s eyes monster, turn to 360

Linkysweet Symphony


Go hang, United Kingdom! GO HANG!

Top-tier supers comics snarkmeister Chris Sims discusses what happens when you bring back classic heroes from the dead: you end up with a whole lot of white faces on your covers.

Perry White’s dentures vs. the fourth dimension, just one of the delights at Comic Cartography

Infographic: the relative trustworthiness of different beard styles

Diagram to help you choose a typeface (yes, even comic sans has its place)

An essay I was really glad to read. From Worldchanging, Putting the future back in the room

Pure awesome: What the **** should I make for dinner? [warning for workplace readers – contains prominent 4-letter word]

Werner Herzog reads Where’s Waldo:

Middle Earth as tube map: One does not simply catch the 11.15 to Mordor. (The London tube map by Harry Beck is such a masterpiece of design, I love seeing riffs on it. Check out the map corrected for geography, and these neat derivatives.)

And finally… (via Paul Cornell) a fan-site dedicated to this one lady who had a small role in Doctor Who one time. Feel the devotion. Best page: the controversy, where the writer imagines there’s a controversy.

Pantheon of Plastic: #5

He is the most unlikely member of the entire Pantheon of Plastic, and he rounds out the first 5. His entry to the Pantheon is a triumph for every hulking Brummy writer determined to honour their roots. Boys and girls, I give you the fifth inductee into the Pantheon of Plastic, in 1984, it is Pat Roach!

German Mechanic, Raiders of the Lost Ark
(Movie, 1981; figure released 1983 by Kenner)

Birmingham native Patrick Roach made a name for himself throwing down with Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy and other legendary figures of the UK wrestling scene. It was Stanley Kubrick who first put him on-screen, in Clockwork Orange and then again in Barry Lyndon, and this track record got him on-set for Spielberg’s 1981 pulp homage. Roach features in the only set-piece fight scene in the film, which stands out for its great storytelling and Harrison Ford’s wincing, grimacing performance. His hulking, terrifying presence is all the more impressive for coming pretty much out of nowhere. He’s not the henchman of the main villain, he’s not a vicious recurring enemy, he’s just a dude who was at his job when some foreigner starts causing trouble on his patch. And, one senses, this German mechanic quite enjoys stopping trouble. The battle is hair-raising and builds up to one of the most memorable demises in 1980s cinema. Roach uses scant minutes of screen-time to make an indelible impression.

Giant Thugee, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(Movie, 1984; figure released 1984 by LJN)

Spielberg brought Roach back for the Indy sequel (and again for the third film, but there’s no action figure of that role). This time they darkened his skin and had him playing the fierce guard keeping the boy slaves in check. His role isn’t nearly so memorable this time, not to mention the fact that blacking up seems entirely inappropriate these days, but it gave Roach more time to glower and look menacing.

My favourite thing about this figure is that it’s listed in several places as the “giant huggee“. Which, let’s face it, is what everyone wanted to do to gentle giant Roach, particularly for his best-remembered performance of all, as Bomber in Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.

Sadly, Roach didn’t survive to appear in the final Auf Wiedersehen special, dying of throat cancer in 2004, aged 67 (Independent obituary).

Her confusion explained

Minister for Social Development, Paula Bennett, is confused about which Peter Saunders she appointed as an advisor to the Welfare Working Group (WWG), the Green Party revealed today.

“The tale of Paula, Peter and Peter is a perplexing predicament for the Minister. There are two Peter Saunders who work on welfare issues and it seems Ms Bennett is unsure of which one she appointed” said Catherine Delahunty Green Party Work and Income Spokesperson.

Ms Bennett told the house last Thursday that the WWG advisor wrote a book called Welfare to Work in Practice.

However, this book was not written by the Peter Saunders Ms Bennett appointed…
– Greens media release

The original Professor Peter Saunders is director of the Social Policy Research Centre at the University of New South Wales where he has been for more than 20 years.

The new Peter Saunders is also a professor, fomerly of the University of Sussex, who last year was appointed director of social policy research programs at the Centre for Independent Studies (CIS), a Sydney-based think tank.

Same name, similar titles, but diametrically opposed views.
– Sydney Morning Herald

Any of us could have made the same mistake.

(The image = ten minutes well spent, I feel.)

Social Economics

I’ve recently had work-related chats with two economics academics who broadly fit the “social economist” type: “public good” is the same thing as “economic good”, you just need to figure out a model that can represent all the variables that aren’t expressed in dollars. Smart people trained and motivated to look at the big picture of how systems fit together.

They were both recently retired. It is unclear to me if there are many others coming up the ranks to fill their large shoes. But there really ought to be. More of this sort of person, please, world.

(See also: the nef and their “A Bit Rich” report; the earnest but flawed Stern Report)

(Related: it’s really neat how you can just ring up these people who have done all sorts of interesting things and they’re quite happy to come and meet you over a cup of tea. Life lesson: don’t be shy about approaching people who know good things.)

Transmissions from a broken system

The DomPost yesterday:

Front page, the entirety of the above-the-fold:

Serepisos sells spare Ferrari. Guy owes the council money while on telly as the Donald on The Apprentice NZ. Is he selling the Ferrari for money to pay the council? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!

Bottom of page 2, entire story smaller than the photo of Terry’s spare Ferrari: Thousands march against mining about “one of the biggest protests in Auckland for decades”. A genuine grass-roots popular protest that appears to cross party lines and is the first sign of unrest at a decision by the current government.

It is to weep.

It’s Easy To Have A Child To Stay

We had little nibling James staying with us all weekend, and it was good fun times. It was our first serious nibling-babysitting, and ironically we double-booked ourselves with a wedding, so we the babysitters had to subcontract out to some other babysitters for Saturday evening. (Thanks Miri and Matt!)

Things I learned:
* going around on a runalong bike never stops being fun
* going down a slide never stops being fun
* waking up in an unfamiliar place is not fun
* the appropriate thing to do when you have had enough food is to carry what you didn’t eat around in your hand for the next two hours in case you get hungry again
* more bike!

He can come back, I reckon.

Makeshift Linky

I reinstalled Windows last week (am much gooder now) but boneheadedly lost my bookmarks, including my linky stack. So many dozens of interesting linky, lost into the chaotic maestrom of the interwebs! Oh noes!

Luckily the internets is bountiful, here are some new-gathered linky.


Some great parkour photos.

Foul-mouthed In the Loop character Malcolm Tucker reports on the UK election for the Grauniad.

Debz presents Anna Karenina for Children

Essential skills for the information age: spotting fake online reviews

Mash gives a great overview of critical styles using the examples of three film review podcasts (including Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo’s show, which is the only podcast I’ve become religious about since starting listening to ’em not so long ago)

A tool to find out whose Twitter followers are stupider


Slavegirl Leia carwash (but no this guy for shame)

Stephen J brings Dr Johnson to bear on the current NZ govt

And finally… the Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield